July 2011 Archives

It's been some time since I've written. The last few weeks the Lord has been at work in areas of my life that have been hibernating for quite some time. Earlier today I shared or attempted to share this with a friend, but I found it harder to do than I expected it to be. I've come to realize a good deal of something core within me has been hibernating for quite some time and only recently has God began to awaken it again. 

I wrote for the title MIA for 12 months.. but thinking about it.. well it has been more than 12 months as some of these areas have been hibernating since 2007. MIA stands for missing in action. I have been MIA for a while - but it was a needed season that God as a loving father took me through out of love and for which I am deeply thankful for. 

I would not be alive and who I am today if not for that season and the process He took me through during it. Though it was not easy and I don't fully know how to explain it, but it was good and God was with me in it from start to finish. I believe from it that I will better be equipped to help others go through it in the life map process.

I should also say here, that for those of you who know me, but have only met me in the past few years, much of this may come as a surprise - I've not talked much at all about most of this in years - these parts have been in hibernation. For that season that was how it needed to be or I was pushed into it - I'm not certain. 

It has resulted though in people I've met in the past few years, not really knowing my full story or a core of why I do what I do in all I do. This may change that for some people, but I hope it does in a good way and that it blesses my relationship with you in some way. I hope that this shows you that God does use regular people to do great things. I am still growing and I didn't start where I am now - part of why I stopped sharing this and these things went into hibernation was because in sharing them people stopped seeing me as a regular guy. It resulted in me feeling isolated and so I stopped sharing and these things went into hiberation mode.

Many of you I have met recently remind me of me when God began to get a hold of me and awaken me to more. I am smiling as I write this when I think where some of you are going to be in your life in 10, 20, 30, 40 years. Actually, I think most of you will be going in amazing ways in the coming years and I earnestly would love for all of you to experience this journey and to walk in this message. You have to run after it and embrace it though - it won't happen if you don't.

It is good to be fully alive and for the glory of our life to be seen and to impact others - that is what brings glory to God - when the creator's creation displays the fullness of the glory He intended his creation to display, to bring glory to Him. 

However, when we enter into that - other people tend to not see us as just like them. Regular people just like them. I think of myself as a regular man, just like Elijah. It is what God has told us we are - so why would I not take Him at His word? Why would you not as well? (That's an entire different subject for a later day.) Elijah was a man just like us (James 5:17). 

Did I always see myself this way? No, most certainly not. I was once a shy, timid, geeky and certainly not all that confident or masculine of a guy. That's a shocker to most people who know me now - those who knew me my early years of high school or before may remember who I used to be. Yet, God showed up and kept working in me. He directed my path. He meets us where we are at in life and changes us and works in us - if we just seek Him and surrender to Him to invite Him in and give Him permission to change us. It's that simple. 

We think we know or can think of the life we want - the desired life - but I can assure you that until we have experienced and tasted real life - we can not grasp real life. I thought I knew the life I wanted before Jesus changed me and awakened me - I did not. I was blind. I've never heard anyone who has experienced God through a relationship with Jesus Christ share anything to contradict that statement. I didn't even have a remote idea of what real life was, what it tasted like or what it could be like before Jesus changed my life. Much like we could not explain colors or tastes if not for sight and taste.

I fully expect that God will use me to impact others in this life and directly through them or through those they impact to impact the world for the Kingdom of God in significant ways. 

I think of this in the same way I think of having a family one day and living in the country - to me there is no difference in the belief and faith it takes for them. But, this was not always the case - God built my faith up for this vision and He didn't show it all to me on day one - if He did I would have ran the other way. It would have been to much for me to have faith or think possible for me to do or even be used in doing. This is partly why I smile when I think of what God is going to do through those of you who embrace Him and run after Him and who walk in this message with me - what we see now and think God will use us in is like the tip of a iceberg. 

There is so much more - but God knows we can't handle it all up front and and only shows us the trail in the light before our feet - if the entire trail was lighted we would try to run ahead without Him in the early years - maybe the later years too.

I'm getting ahead of myself here though, God meets us where we are and restores us, renews us and then empowers us to become who we were intended to be to love Him and to know His love and to take that message to others. This is what I mentioned above, what I call the life map. People call it by different names and often do not realize the process they are going through during it - but we go through the process of it and God works us in these ways to awaken us and lead us into the vision, purpose and calling we were intended to enter into.

After embracing and trusting God in the vision of what became DLM and then 2 years later being led to step back and put most of it on the back burner was a painful thing to do. I had a similar wound in the past and this jabbed at it again. That past calling was when God called me to start a chapter of AGO at KSU in college, it was stopped by nationals who did not grant us our charter, but I felt hurt and let down by God and felt like a fool who failed in it. That was part of why I did not step out into DLM until God confirmed the DLM vision daily, in profound ways, 7 days in a row. Call me doubting Thomas, but I was not going to step out until God made it very clear to me as I feared failing and looking stupid and getting it wrong.

So here I found myself, 2 years having poured a great deal of me into the vision of DLM and I felt like I was starting over again. It was very hard, very painful, but I was certain God was leading me into stepping back and that He was in the entire process - it was a hard to explain process.

While all of that that was coming to a pause, God also began to strip me of many of my core friends as those who had been with me in supporting that ministry vision left Kansas City or our paths just changed and we were no longer going in the same direction. These guys had been very core in my life and just as the three came into my life 2 years before within month, then 2 years later within months they were no longer walking with me on a regular basis in life. When I still needed them, they were removed from my life and it was not a easy thing to go through along with everything else that was going on.

I also soon would be led to leave my job where I had worked since college and went to work for myself and started a new business. That came with an amazing peace and God has blessed me in that step of faith since then in many ways. However, it has not been a easy journey. The business I left my job to start failed when I months later shut it down as I did not feel that was the direction I was to go and with it I had a huge financial loss. I soon had another door open up for me similar to that of my old job, but this time I was on my own and self employed and that did very well and I thought I was going to do very well with that. Then 6 months later that door was shut overnight as the company that I worked through as a contractor closed down over night. Turns out I was the only one making any real money and while I was making them money, it was not enough to keep the doors open for everyone else. I did refine my skills there and learned a lot and that started the process in business for me that I am now in and that I see God's hand in leading me in since I graduated college.

During this time it was not bad, but it was not great either. God had brought a new friend into my life and one who became a good friend. Looking back I see how God used us both in each others lives to do a work in us and I see the purpose in the first few years we got to know each other.

However, repeatedly since 2007 when I would share this part of my life with new people about DLM, it resulted in being treated different, and I began to feel isolated from people every time I would share it. So I stopped sharing it and entered into the time I have been walking in the past few years. The vision of DLM has never died within me and I do believe God has called me to this and that He will carry it out. That season is not now to embrace it and run with it, but I look forward to when it comes.

I've spent hours writing this and trying to express and share years of my story. I love that God is awakening part of me, who I am, the core of why I am who I am and why I do all I do. God is awakening the glory of my life, that I might shine, and that bring Him glory. I love that God is begining to let the glory of my life impact others around me and that the glory of their life has been used by God in awakening this part of who I am to return to life.

I love that during this entire time, God has made it known that Kansas City is where I am to be and that this is where I was to wait for what He was going to do. This year God led me to an amazing body of Christ followers, who are becoming like extended family, I love that in so many ways the passion and vision of the church is in many ways a mirror to what God has given me a vision for with DLM. I love that I have found a community to connect with and that loves on me deeply, that is chasing after God and that has a passion to reach all of Kansas City, and to impact the nation and then the world. Yet, I love that with a big vision, passion and love there is also a generous grace, compassion and so much love and people of many walks of life coming to know Jesus. I've never experienced being part of a church like this before and I'm not sure I thought it was possible. It's not perfect of course, but God is there in a special way. I've never before felt the love of God in serving a body of believers in loading stuff after church or helping with the offering as a usher. The gift of service is not my gift or love language and I've never been a service oriented person, but I've found joy and felt the love of God in serving doing acts of service with my church home. It's a great joy for me and this body of extended family has been used in very powerful ways to awaken me in many ways.

In writing all of this, I also am excited to share what God has been putting on my heart for a while now. While this is going to be all a surprise to my church family, who is just learning about all of this of my story today, I also want to share something with everyone who has followed DLM over the years.

If the message of DLM has spoke to your heart, if God has put it on your heart and you feel there is something with DLM's message that speaks to you, I would invite you to begin to pray about that. DLM is not now nor do I forsee in the near future going to be pursing the major parts of the ministry plan of action, but DLM is entering into a season of a special time and with that I am praying and waiting on God with it. Begin to pray about this and what God would desire to speak to you in it. I do believe there are at least two major things that are going to happen before DLM enters into the season of running towards the ministry plan of action, but I do not foresee those things happening for at least another 2 years. However, parts of the ministry core and base I do see awakening again in new ways now. I am praying that God directs and calls others in these same ways and in very specific ways and letting Him direct them and bring them about. I'm not sharing what those things are at this time, but do encourage you to pray about these things to see what God would lead you in.

It is good to have these parts of my life awakened again. I hope that this not only enriches my relationship with those of you I know personally, but speaks to all who read it in those things that perhaps God has spoken to you on the vision and calling He has for your life. I've always know these things were in hibernation and I've kept them alive, I suspect that some who read this entry have parts that are in hibernation in your life too. Maybe there are some parts you buried, but they are still there, still part of what you are called to do and be, who you are designed and intended to become to be fully alive.

May this awaken things in your life that have been asleep or hibernating and may God Himself begin to tend to those areas to drawn them out. It is uneasy to step into the full glory of your life - to become who you were intended to be as a son or daughter of God - but the impact you have when you do and more importantly the depth of your relationship with God will grow to new depths you did not previously have an idea were possible. 

A new season has come, not just for me personally, but for DLM and for I believe many who will read this entry. It is not without the participating presence of God that you found this entry and had something within you lead you and give you the desire to read it.